Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
porn star boner night. come get it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
