I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
