clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
