My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
