It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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