i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
