porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
