i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
