His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
