I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
