Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
