He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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