i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
