wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
this is an emotional support booty call
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
