gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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