i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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