you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
