I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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