idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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