I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
