Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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