I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
