Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
