p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
