Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
