I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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