I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
