I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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