And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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