does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
