We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
