dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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