My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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