I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
