oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
