M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
