Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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