Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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