Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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