I want to have your abortion
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
