All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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