I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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