I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
