I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
