I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
