WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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