so explain again why im purple
no
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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