I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
