She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
