I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
