Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
