you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
