Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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