I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
